I Built My Castle in Sand

Friday, August 05, 2005

Have you ever build a sand castle? I did not, not even once.

So… this is the feeling when you’re ‘castle’ is just built in sand. It will just be quickly destroyed by the sea, suddenly walked at by beach men and women, and the worst, when all efforts goes there, and no one notices it and be even dumped.

I built my dream in quicksand. And the US Embassy is the one who slaps it like a tidal wave in Aceh. I relied in my limited strength. I did not consider that there are other stronger, unlimited forces outside my strength. I disregarded God and his omnipotence. And there it goes, my dream being taken and washed away by the sea of failure. I feel the dream I built was of no value, all the efforts and all the hope and willpower I put was wasted. Because I didn’t rely fully on the Lord.

I don’t want to feel that the Lord has turned His back to me. I can still take every waver of this world but not His back. I think He became jealous of my strength. Instead of leaning to Him, I leaned to my own understanding. I want to say sorry to the Lord for my neglect, I know I have given Him the slightest attention that day. I admit that He doesn’t go top priority on that day. I declare my nothingness and helplessness to the Lord.

I don’t want to move a finger in the subsequent actions the Lord is planning. I might hinder God’s plans and will, for He is perfect, His decisions are beyond reasonable doubt. I have nothing; He has everything. So I might as well give it all to Him.

I am crying to the Lord that I am helpless. He is my only hope and refuge. I now rely on Him. On no other than. His undisputed actions are commendable and impeccable; so why doubt now I am on His arms and wings? His will is perfect and I have no doubt at it. I trust him now… fully and totally.

The Lord had answered my prayer just too fast. My grandmother called and she said that we may have another solution and that is to contact and seek advice to this one Gurfinckle guy. He’s an attorney-at-law in immigration, and he rarely loses a case (wow!) My grandmother will go home this August 10, Wednesday and will have all the time used up in this case. I thank the Lord for the immediate response. I’m still waiting for the Lord to act more intense. I am submitting to anything that He will do for I know He is perfect. I know; He will not fail me as He did not fail His children other than me.

I hope this continues… thanks be to the Lord!