"Expertly saying..", by the Love Guru

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Heart is the most deceiving as the Bible says; but I say, the heart must numb itself after being deceived.

Have yourself fooled about love, and after all you invest love to that person… er… uhm… secretly… that person will just trash it all and you found yourself locked up in your own room, crying and throwing every china you see; then all of a sudden you want chocolates (while you hated it coz it will cause you to bloat) and you don’t find the slightest reason why you just want to erase all the text messages sent by the culprit; and then you said you’re okay! Wow! What love can do; I can’t believe it blinds and it paralyzes. I’ve been in love with a person (of course!) but I haven’t gone all thru these foolishness and crankiness, although cranky is my name. But haven’t I realized that, even once, people have so much love for one person that they went insane when that girl/boy they like get screwed up or got on with someone, especially if they were secretly loving the person. What’s with it. I don’t understand.

I have a friend whose love struck with a guy I know and befriended with. So I bring her updates of that guy. And I wasn’t aware that she already loved that person much, even though that guy doesn’t know her. (I’m tired of typing ‘guy’, I’m gonna reveal his name… his name is Maht and the gal is Pat… aren’t they compatible.) Lately this last Sunday, I was told that Maht was with someone and were already courting and dating. Actually and frankly, I find it difficult to tell her the truth, I am afraid of her reaction. The day I feared came and I don’t know where does the courage to tell her came from but I actually told her the truth. She screamed intensely that the floor we’re in can hear it. Tears was falling from her cheek. This is the first time I saw her like this. Sad, freaked out and angry. She was then full of life, witty, and well, in loved. But now as I look at her, she was so down and I can feel her blank heart and face from the, so far, greatest tragedy of her life.

As me and her bestfriend tried to comfort her, she was crying nonstop. We can actually do nothing but to be a crying shoulder or to be her hanky (in case she needs to blow, that is, eeeeeeeew… Pat your “uhog”!) She hugged me and pretended to be my lil’ sis and she told me, “Kuya, sapakin mo sya para sa ‘kin, paramdam mo sa kanya kung pa’no nya ko nasaktan” (Chastise him for me, let him feel what pain he gave me.) I answered, “Pa’no ko sa kanya ipaparamdam na nasaktan ka nya eh hindi ka nga nya kilala” (How can I ever chastise him, while you were loving him secretly; he doesn’t know you either.) That caused only her to cry more. I guess I said the wrong phrase for her but that’s the painstaking and undisputed truth. Her hair was wet with perspiration, her eyes was red for crying and her hands were flying thru the wall; maybe she’s imagining that was Maht’s face. I can do nothing but to tell her that it wasn’t the end of the world, it was just the end of one phase of her life. But… it is useless. We knew she CAN be mature at these things but she can’t seem to get a hold of herself. Just like she was under in some kind of spell and she couldn’t use what she was thought what she was before – a LOVE GURU.

But now, the tables are turned and it’s my turn for being the Love Guru. I have been many times – teen break-ups, simple quarrels to the hardest of all – this one. At this time, I’m torn between: Pat (for her absolute invested love for Maht) and Maht (for he never knew someone was loving him that much.) So can somebody tell me, who’s right. For me… it was never wrong to love someone secretly but be very PREPARED for what will happen. You’ll never know when that guy/gal will love somebody and be committed and eventually tied up with someone other than you. It could be painful, but look at it; the Lord loved us but no one has been able to return it. I always say this when this happens: it is his/her lost not yours. Someone lost someone loving him very much, but you never lost someone because he/she never loved you! That is simple logic. But love…hears no logic… it is plain dumb and stupid. Expertly saying, she was too young to love Maht, she was 14 and Maht was 17. She would just never lose at this because she was young and she can pull it up.

After hours of consoling her, I brought my sister (the real one, blood-orientedly) to the dentist. Her tooth was killing her and I was the one being waked up every night because she needs to take TYLENOL for that very tooth is hurting. I ended it up, I brought her to the dentist and left to the dentist all of it. I told the dentist to do ALL necessary actions, how painful it could be. To know that all she had was one holed tooth and cavities causing bad breath, wow, I have sleepless nights for that.

She is now eating bags of chocolate, and I can do nothing about it.